Growth

I was thinking about 2008 today. I was kind of thinking about what I had accomplished in the year and just general thoughts of how the year went. Obviously for me this past year was overshadowed by loss. Either the expectation of it or the reality of it. It colored nearly everything I did and every decision I made. As I also think about the year it is incredibly clear how fortunate I am to have been able to lean on my friends during this time. The loss of my father felt truly unbearable, but I knew I had to bear it and my friends helped. I had to keep going. I still have two kids, a husband, a household etc. at some point I had to move forward. The last 4 months have seemed like a blur. I found myself on vacation and at parties and sometimes it felt as if I had "woken up" there. I was very disconnected. It was often at the urging of my husband or my friends that I attended an event. I attended my dear friend's wedding, vacation in Moab, mountain bike days. I felt as though I would not be able to connect at any of these things. An interesting thing happened. The love and support I felt brought me more to the surface. In November I was talked in to doing a marathon on February 1st. Committing to anything seemed overwhelming, but I did. Running has always brought me peace and focus. I knew that even though I didn't want to that I should drag myself out. Just as my friends had dragged me out at other times. I am finding that running is a reliable friend. But more important than that I am finding that without my husband and friends I don't know how I would have made it through the last few months. I am eternally grateful to anyone who ran, biked, convinced, cajoled, listend or in some other form helped me to heal.

The pain hasn't gone away, but my ability to cope has improved. In the past year I have had the opportunity to grow and learn. I have experienced great loss, but through it I have also become a better, more aware person. I value my relationships more than ever and I value who I have become during the process.